Chaos and Charm

Category: #relatable chaos

  • Vicks Cures Everything — The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    Vicks Cures Everything — The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    There wasn’t a single thing Vicks Vaporub couldn’t cure in a Puerto Rican household.Fever? Vicks.Cough? Vicks.Mosquito bite? Vicks.Heartbreak? Guess what — still Vicks. If you so much as sneezed, my mom didn’t ask for symptoms.She just appeared out of nowhere with that little blue jar like a first responder with supernatural powers.“Put it on your…

  • The Weaponization of the Chancleta – The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    The Weaponization of the Chancleta – The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    Let’s be real — the chancleta wasn’t just footwear.It was a disciplinary device, a GPS-guided missile, a warning shot, and a family tradition all in one. Our mothers didn’t need threats — they had range.She could be in the kitchen, I could be halfway down the block, and somehow…it still connected.That thing curved through time…

  • Because I Said So — The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    Because I Said So — The Puerto Rican Parenting Series

    “¡Porque yo dije!”That was the beginning and end of every argument in my house.No logic. No discussion. No “we’ll talk later.”Just instant obedience — or consequences. My mom didn’t negotiate. She demanded.You didn’t need to understand why.You just needed to move.Fast. There was raised volume, raised eyebrows, and raised chancletas.And somehow, we turned out fine…

  • It’s Not Avoidance, It’s Selective Peace

    It’s Not Avoidance, It’s Selective Peace

    Once upon a time, I used to respond to every text, every question, every “we need to talk.”Now? I respond when my nervous system says it’s safe. It’s not avoidance.It’s selective peace. Because not everything deserves access to your energy — especially the things that keep you stuck in the same emotional group chat you’ve…

  • Main Character in a Side Quest Era

    Main Character in a Side Quest Era

    This was supposed to be my healing era.My not-always-in-a-messy-bun, aligned-chakras, journaling-by-candlelight era. Instead, it’s giving: side quest energy.Nothing’s falling apart, but nothing’s exactly coming together either.Like I’m walking through life with a GPS that keeps politely malfunctioning.Or just making me take the scenic route that’s miles off. Every day feels like a mix of errands,…

  • Meanwhile, My Brain Said No

    Meanwhile, My Brain Said No

    I have this bad habit of saying, “Yeah, sure!” when every cell in my body is screaming, “Absolutely not!”My face is already contorting, trying not to “say” what my mouth wants it to. Before I can stop myself, I’m nodding like a trained golden retriever.“Yeah, no worries!” I don’t know if it’s anxiety, people-pleasing, or…

  • Delulu Denise & the Phantom Refund Portal

    Delulu Denise & the Phantom Refund Portal

    It was a calm Tuesday.The inbox was quiet. The returns portal was sleeping peacefully.Not a refund in sight — just vibes, tracking numbers, and the faint hum of semi-sanity. And then, out of nowhere… she appeared. Delulu Denise.Materializing from the digital mist with a tale so wild, even our return system couldn’t compute it. According…

  • Terms and Conditions of My Mood

    Terms and Conditions of My Mood

    Before engaging with me, please read the following agreement carefully.By proceeding, you acknowledge that I am a complex human being held together by snacks, sarcasm, and the occasional deep sigh. I am both sunshine and side-eye.Warm, funny, loyal — and also tired.If you can’t handle emotional whiplash, this might not be the subscription for you.…

  • I’m Not Overthinking, I’m Just Running All 47 Scenarios

    I’m Not Overthinking, I’m Just Running All 47 Scenarios

    I don’t overthink.I just analyze everything in extreme HD until my brain needs a nap and my soul wants a refund. It’s not anxiety — it’s research.I’m just trying to make sure I’ve emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepared for every possible outcome of a conversation that hasn’t even happened yet. Like, you text me “we…

  • Apologies I’ll Probably Never Say Out Loud

    Apologies I’ll Probably Never Say Out Loud

    I owe a few (maybe more) people an apology.Not enough to actually reach out — let’s not get crazy —but enough to mentally whisper “my bad” before moving on with my day. So, here they are.The apologies I’ll probably never say out loud: I’m sorry for the text I never answered.In my defense, I read…

  • Chaos & Charm: Born This Way (Unfortunately)

    Chaos & Charm: Born This Way (Unfortunately)

    The soundtrack of my childhood was Spanish music on repeat, people talking over each other, and at least a pot of rice on the stove at all times — ya know, in case of company. The pop-over? That used to be the norm. Now? We hide every time the RingCam goes off. Everyone was always…

  • I’m Not Arguing, I’m Just Passionately Explaining Why I’m Right

    I’m Not Arguing, I’m Just Passionately Explaining Why I’m Right

    I don’t argue. I just raise my voice creativelywhile presenting a very sound, emotionally charged PowerPoint presentationthat everyone refuses to appreciate. People might say I’m “defensive.”Like, “Cógelo con take it easy, nena.”No, sweetie. I’m just right — loudly.It’s not yelling if I’m correct. I try to stay calm, I really do.I start off all composed,…

  • Main Character Malfunction

    Main Character Malfunction

    Some mornings, I wake up like I’m in a movie.The light hits just right, the playlist knows whassup,and for five whole minutes I’m the calm, centered, soft-life version of myself.(whatever that is) Then life rolls up like, “Aww, look at you thinking you got it together.”Cue the spilled water, the dropped phone, the existential dread…

  • The Things I Don’t Say (Because Bail Money is Tight)

    The Things I Don’t Say (Because Bail Money is Tight)

    (aka: My Inner Voice Needs an NDA) There’s a whole monologue living rent-free in my head.Every time someone’s rude.Every time someone “just wants to play devil’s advocate.” Oh, I have soooo many things to say.But then I remember:Bail money is expensive, and my energy is not refundable. So instead, I let it stay up there—an…

  • Brain Says Rest, Anxiety Says “One More Thing”

    Brain Says Rest, Anxiety Says “One More Thing”

    (aka: The Bedtime Battle Royale) It’s 2:47 a.m.I’ve done the skincare.The hair’s up in a messy bun that could double as a weapon.The lights are off. The vibe is calm.My brain? LOUD.She waits all day to start her shift.No thoughts from 9 to 5, but the moment I lay down — My brain’s like, “Hey,…

  • The Karen Chronicles: Return of the Caps Lock

    The Karen Chronicles: Return of the Caps Lock

    (aka: Why Is Everyone Yelling?) It’s 9:02 a.m.My brain’s buffering.Meanwhile, the world’s mid-meltdown—voices flying from screens and sidewalksover problems they’ll forget by noon. So, I start my day. I open my inbox… and there she is. THE KAREN. Subject line: “URGENT!!!”Body: “HELLO???” No greeting. No order number. Just emotional damage in Arial Bold. Somewhere, a…

  • Fraudulent Fannie Strikes Again

    Fraudulent Fannie Strikes Again

    (aka: I Should’ve Gone to Law School) Just when you think you’ve seen it all… Guess who’s back?Back again.Fannie’s back — tell a friend. Because apparently, the chaos gods weren’t done testing me yet. This time it’s not “never received.”Oh no — this round is “didn’t like it, looks clunky, not my style, so I…

  • The Chargeback Chronicles

    The Chargeback Chronicles

    (aka: The Audacity Olympics) There’s a special kind of betrayal that only hits when a chargeback email lands in your inbox. You’re sipping your water, minding your business, living your semi-peaceful customer service life — and then bam:“A dispute has been filed for Order #14086.” The audacity.The unmitigated gall.The nerve of it all. Because 99.9%…