Terms and Conditions of My Mood

Before engaging with me, please read the following agreement carefully.
By proceeding, you acknowledge that I am a complex human being held together by snacks, sarcasm, and the occasional deep sigh.

I am both sunshine and side-eye.
Warm, funny, loyal — and also tired.
If you can’t handle emotional whiplash, this might not be the subscription for you.

Terms and Conditions:

My energy levels are subject to change without notice.
Side-eye may be administered at random and should not be taken personally.
Any “I’m fine” responses automatically translate to “I’m processing. Bring me food.”
Interruptions during storytime may result in immediate attitude. You’ve been warned.
Compliments are always accepted, even retroactively.
No refunds on emotional labor, but store credit may be issued after a nap.
Overthinking fees may apply if tone is misinterpreted.
Silence does not equal anger. It equals buffering.
Reassurance must be provided in writing, twice, minimum.
Terms may be renegotiated at any time, especially during hot flashes, retrograde, or family gatherings.
If I say “whatever,” it does not mean whatever. That’s code for “try again and read my mind.”
Responses to “are you mad?” may be delayed for dramatic effect.
All interactions are mentally recorded for quality assurance and future overanalyzing.

Basically, handle with empathy, humor, and snacks.
That’s it. That’s the contract.

Because I’m not complicated — I just come with fine print, limited patience,
and a lifetime warranty that clearly states:
No replacements after emotional damage.

And if you can still love me after reading all this?
Congrats, you’ve officially accepted the user agreement.
And may the odds be ever in your favor.

Welcome to Chaos & Charm Support — how may we help you today? 💁🏽‍♀️

Chaos and Charm