Chaos and Charm

I don’t overthink.
I just analyze everything in extreme HD until my brain needs a nap and my soul wants a refund.

It’s not anxiety — it’s research.
I’m just trying to make sure I’ve emotionally, mentally, and spiritually prepared for every possible outcome of a conversation that hasn’t even happened yet.

Like, you text me “we need to talk”?
Cool. I’ve already rehearsed all seven versions of that talk, three apology speeches, and one fake laugh to keep it light.

I wish I could be one of those people who “just lets things go.”
Must be nice to trust the universe like she pays your bills.
Meanwhile, I’m out here trying to decode punctuation and tone like I’m solving a federal crime.

Sometimes I catch myself mid-spiral —
like, “girl, you made that entire argument in your head, and you still lost.”
But I can’t help it.
My brain has a rolodex for made up meltdowns.

Every scenario starts with “what if” and ends with “I knew it.”
And in between?
A whole production directed by anxiety, scored by overthinking, and starring yours truly — the main character of chaos.

But here’s the thing — it comes from love.
I overthink because I care.
Because my brain thinks it can outsmart disappointment by predicting it first.
Because I’ve been blindsided enough times to start building emotional airbags.

Still, it’s exhausting.
It’s like my thoughts have their own group chat,
and I’m just there trying to mute notifications while also reading every single message.

So I’m learning to let some things be — slowly.
To trust that not every silence means something’s wrong,
and not every thought deserves a sequel.
Some moments don’t need analysis — they just need to be lived.

But I’ll be honest… I’m still working on it.
The other day I caught myself overthinking a meditation app notification.
So yeah, progress is… absolutely still in beta.

Because maybe that’s what Chaos & Charm really means —
learning to find beauty in the noise,
to laugh in the middle of the mental traffic jam,
and to remind yourself that sometimes surviving the spiral is its own kind of peace.