Chaos and Charm

(aka: Why Is Everyone Yelling?)

It’s 9:02 a.m.
My brain’s buffering.
Meanwhile, the world’s mid-meltdown—
voices flying from screens and sidewalks
over problems they’ll forget by noon.

So, I start my day. I open my inbox… and there she is.

THE KAREN.

Subject line: “URGENT!!!”
Body: “HELLO???”

No greeting. No order number. Just emotional damage in Arial Bold.

Somewhere, a caps lock key is crying for help.

She’s furious.
Apparently, her package didn’t teleport directly to her doorstep in 24 hours.
Tragic, really. *sigh*

The message reads like a hostage note written by someone who just discovered Wi-Fi.
Every sentence is a full paragraph.
Every paragraph ends with twelve exclamation marks.
And her favorite punctuation? The aggressive ellipsis… because… drama.

Now, don’t get me wrong — we love enthusiasm.
But when your email starts with “LISTEN TO ME” and ends with “I’M DISPUTING THE CHARGE!”,
that’s not enthusiasm.
That’s a caffeine deficiency mixed with entitlement.

So I respond — politely, professionally, with the patience of a saint who’s seen things.
I confirm the tracking.
I attach the receipt.
I even sprinkle in a “we completely understand your concern.”
Translation: “you are currently the villain in my story, ma’am.

Two minutes later, she replies:
“Never mind, it just arrived. Thank you SO MUCH!!! ❤️❤️❤️”

Oh. Okay.
We didn’t just brawl in the inbox 120 seconds ago. Cool.

Some days I think I’ve achieved enlightenment —
because it takes a special kind of peace to type,
“So happy to hear that, Karen!”
instead of,
“Girl. Bye.”

But here’s the truth:
Karens will come and go.
Caps lock will rise again.
And somewhere out there, another “urgent” message is already brewing —
from a woman who still thinks typing in all caps makes her Wi-Fi move faster.

And when it lands in my inbox?
I’ll take a deep breath, roll my shoulders back, and whisper,
“Let the chaos begin.”

Because I may be exhausted, emotionally drained, and seconds away from spontaneous combustion —
but I’m still undefeated, mama. 💅🏽